Gloria in Excelsis by Andrea Peterson It happened late one night, while Maria was asleep in her room. She was roused from her dreams of flying off in a UFO with David Duchovny by a sudden KABOOM. Before she knew what was happening, the room was filled with a blinding light. At the center of the light was a radiant being with golden hair and huge white wings. Maria briefly wondered if she was about to be abducted by aliens. But then the being spoke. It said: "Ave Maria, gratia plena! The Lord is with thee; blest art thou amongst women." Maria was a quick-witted sort, and despite the great shock and the lateness of the hour she managed to reply. "Sorry, wrong Maria; you're off by a continent and about 2,000 years." The angel (for that was obviously what it was) was taken aback. It paused, and seemed to notice its surroundings for the first time. "I see," it said finally. "I'm sorry to have disturbed you then." "No problem," said Maria, and went right back to sleep. * * * As the first rays of sunlight began to penetrate her eyelids, Maria hazily recalled her dreams of the previous night. The one about David Duchovny had been interesting... but the other one was just weird. Imagine, she smiled to herself, having an angel appear to her by mistake and announce that she was the Blessed Virgin herself! At that moment, the alarm clock went off. Maria reached to press the snooze button, then rolled over on her back and stared up at the ceiling. She nearly had a heart attack. For there, hovering directly over her bed, was the magnificent angel she had met the night before. The angel's wings were even bigger than she remembered them, and immaculately white, with silver and gold highlights. Its heavenly glow, which seemed to ensue from somewhere within it, was not diminished by the light of day. It had its knees pulled up to its chest, and its chin cupped in its hands (looking rather uncomfortable, Maria thought). It seemed to have been waiting a while. "Aguh... wh... wha..." Maria stammered. "You are awake," it said without inflection. Maria could not tell if that was an observation, a proclamation, or an order. She recalled the words from an old hymn they used to sing in grade school. The angel Gabriel announced to Mary... "Are you Gabriel?" she asked. "Archangel Gabriel, if you please," he* corrected her. He still appeared to be contemplating other matters. (*Author's note: As the reader is perhaps aware, angels belong to neither gender and are not possessed of sex organs nor X or Y chromosomes. However, for the purposes of this story, all angels will be referred to as "he" to avoid confusion.) "Archangel Gabriel," she said. "Look, I don't mean to be disrespectful or anything, but just what the He... what in God's na... what are you doing in my room?" "At first I thought it was a simple miscalculation on my part," he explained. "This is extremely rare, but not unheard of. But, after careful examination, I have concluded that there was more to it than simple oversight." He turned his head and looked at her for the first time. "Young lady," he said gravely, "it seems that your bedroom is the center of an astral vortex." "A what? What on Earth's that?" "It is a disturbance in the astral field, the flow of ether that runs through the universe," Gabriel explained. "In this plane it is quite rare but not unheard of. It is because of the vortex that I was diverted here, instead of reaching my intended destination." Then he dropped the bombshell. "Until I am able to clear up the disturbance, I am obliged to remain here." "WHAT?! In my room?!" Maria exclaimed. "Yes." "But...!" She glanced frantically around. "I have to go to school now! What if my Mom or somebody else sees you? I'm gonna get into trouble!" "Why should you get into trouble?" said Gabriel. Maria heaved a sigh. "Let me put it this way," she said. "If word gets out that I've got an angel..." "Archangel." "Whatever. If people find out, this place will be swamped with reporters and thousands of people wanting to see the miraculous apparition. They'll be flocking in with their rosaries and prayer leaflets and old shoes for you to touch, and selling your feathers for 50 bucks each." The archangel was given pause. "That would be a disturbing prospect," he said finally. "Very well. If anyone should approach, I shall conceal myself from view." Maria looked at the brightly shining angel with flowing tresses and 15-foot wingspan. "How do you plan to do that?" she said doubtfully. "Hide under the bed?" In the blink of an eye, Gabriel vanished. There was an uneasy silence as Maria stared at the place where he had been. "Uh... hello?" she inquired. "I'm still here," said Gabriel's voice. "Uh..." "I have merely reduced myself in mass." "Really? How big are you now?" "I'm not certain. Wait. I see Carbon, Hydrogen, and Oxygen. About the size of your average cellulose molecule." "Ah." Maria heard her mother's voice coming from downstairs. "Maria! Aren't you up yet? You're going to be late for school!" "You should go, then," said Gabriel's voice. "Knowledge is one gift which must never be taken for granted." "Uh... right." * * * They had two periods of Chemistry that day, which always taxed Maria's attention span to its limits. Today she didn't even try to listen. Instead, she doodled in the margins of her notebook. "Okay, who can give me the balanced chemical equation for the reaction between calcium carbonate and ammonium sulfide? Anyone else? Maria!" Maria was jolted back to reality. She sat up straight and looked up at him with wide eyes, like a cat caught in the headlights of an oncoming car. "Would you like to give it a try?" Mr. De Tigre repeated. Maria blinked, and gazed uncomprehendingly at the letters and symbols on the board. The teacher walked over to her desk and peered at her open notebook. "I see what your problem is," he said. "You've been too busy drawing angels." "It's an archangel," she blurted out before she could stop herself. "Oh really?" he said. "How can you tell?" Maria stared sheepishly at the floor. "Because of the look of superiority on its face," she answered. * * * When Maria got home that afternoon, she was dismayed to find that all her posters of cartoons and sci-fi movies had vanished from her room. Instead, the walls were covered from floor to ceiling with strange writing and symbols that resembled equations. Gabriel was in the corner, staring intently at a diagram of what appeared to be an upside-down tree, with Hebrew words and symbols on the branches. Maria, well-versed in obscure occult trivia, recognized it as the Sephirothic Tree of Life. "What are you doing?" she asked the archangel. He did not turn around. "I am trying to calculate the best way to go about negating the vortex," he replied. "I see," said Maria. She stared gloomily at her vandalized room. "Well, don't let me disturb you then." She paused to put her things down on the floor. She noticed that it had a huge circle circumscribing a hexagram drawn on it that had not been there the day before. She jumped back as the circle suddenly started to glow. There was a flash and a KABOOM even louder than the one she had heard the night before. Before she knew it, there was yet another angel hovering before her. This one had black hair, and his steamlined white wings had jagged streaks of black at the tips. He was wearing some kind of exotic battle armor. In his hands he held a sword made of fire. "HEAR ME, O HOUSE OF DEMONIC REVELRY," thundered the angel. "THROUGH YOUR PROFANITIES, YOU HAVE INCURRED THE WRATH OF THE LORD YOUR GOD." "Um, excuse me, but..." "SEEK NOT MY MERCY, FOR I AM THE INSTRUMENT OF HIS RIGHTEOUS VENGEANCE SENT TO PURGE YOUR EVIL FROM THE FACE OF CREATION! TO THE ABYSS WITH YOU, SATAN-SPAWN!" And with that, the angel swung his sword. There was a sound like thunder and a million churchbells, and a light as blinding as the sun. When Maria opened her eyes, her house was gone. A thin column of smoke wafted delicately from the ashes at her feet. "Tarasquel!" said Gabriel accusingly. "Foolish angel, what have you done?" The one called Tarasquel looked up in surprise. "Gabriel? What are you doing here?" "You ought to be ashamed of yourself," Gabriel scolded. "Not only have you wrought destruction on an innocent household, but your outburst has worsened the astral disturbance!" Tarasquel lowered his sword and looked around. "Oops," he said. "My house," Maria whimpered. "'Oops' does not even begin to describe it," said Gabriel. "Couldn't you at least look about you before waving that sword of yours? Now, restore the house at once." In a flash, Maria was once again standing in her room with the two angels. The house seemed to be totally intact. Not only that, she noted approvingly, but the bizarre symbols and diagrams had disappeared; the walls were once again adorned with her precious posters. "That's better," said Gabriel. "Now apologize." "I'm sorry I blew up your house," Tarasquel recited. "That's okay, no harm done," said Maria cheerily. "I think my room is even cleaner than before." She looked at Tarasquel. The angel was glancing nervously about, trying to avoid Gabriel's glare. His wings were folded stiffly against his back. His sword was still burning steadily, but the flames seemed to have died down. Occasionally, tiny sparks would drip off the end and vanish before they hit the floor. "So, what now?" she asked the angels. "Well," said Gabriel, "Tarasquel's arrival has confirmed my suspicions regarding the severity of the vortex. Until it is cleared, all angels departing from the Silver City will be drawn to this location." "You mean..." "Yes. We are going to have a lot of company." * * * ONE WEEK LATER... "Uriel, how do you circumscribe a scalene triangle?" Maria inquired. "I beg your pardon?" replied the Archangel of the Sun. Meanwhile, Gabriel was measuring the breadth and depth of the vortex using an instrument that resmbled a miniature crystal cyclone revolving in slow motion. Nariel and Sabathiel looked on, occasionally offering comments and suggestions. Zadykiel, Elimiel, and Agiel were singing hymns of praise in 42 languages (all of them extinct or obscure), while Lemanael accompanied on Maria's Casio keyboard. Tarasquel's flaming sword (or, as Maria preferred to call it, his Blazing Sword) sparked and crackled merrily in the corner. "I said, HOW DO YOU CIRCUMSCRIBE A SCALENE TRIANGLE?" Maria shouted over the din. Uriel waved his arm ceremoniously, and perfect triangle inside a circle was burned onto the wall. "No, that's an equilateral triangle," sighed Maria. "I need a triangle with unequal sides." Uriel glared at her as if she had insulted him. "Unequal? As in imperfect? Preposterous! Scandalous! Unheard of!" He crossed the room to join Tiriel and Zophkiel, who were listening to the sound of one hand clapping. Maria stared after him. "What did I say?" she asked rhetorically. "Oh, don't mind him," Cassiel reassured her. "Uriel likes to take Geometry very seriously." "I see," she mumbled, then shouted, "WOULD YOU ANGELS SETTLE DOWN? I'M TRYING TO DO HOMEWORK HERE!" She picked up her compass and was about to attempt circumscription when suddenly Maria's compass, Maria's desk, Maria's chair, and Maria were sucked to the center of the room, along with everything else in it. "Sorry about that! My fault! Sorry!" Gabriel called out. "You should have known that point polarity reversal would cause a vacuum effect," proclaimed Abdiel (for Abdiel could never just say anything; it was always a proclamation). Maria got to her feet and saw all her belongings in a heap on the floor. To say that she was pissed off would be putting it mildly. "Would you look at this?" she exclaimed. "How am I supposed to get anything done now? I thought angels were supposed to be serene and peaceful! I've seen rampaging wild bulls less destructive than you guys!" There was a dead silence. The angels said nothing; they just stared at her as a roomful of cowboys would stare at a martian. "That's it! I'm going to bed!" Three hours later, it dawned on Maria that a) a dozen angels in a room together glow brighter than daylight, and b) angels never sleep. * * * "Over the centuries," said Ms. Nandato, "philosophers have pondered over questions with no answers. Questions like, 'What is the sound of one hand clapping?' 'What came first, the chicken or the egg?' And, of course, 'How many angels can dance on the head of a pin?'" From the back of the room, a sleepy voice murmured, "Twenty-three." Ms. Nandato's keen ears immediately identified its source. "What was that, Miss Delbarrio?" Maria raised her head, stifling a yawn as she did so. "...I said, at least twenty-three angels can dance on the head of a pin." "Twenty-three!" said Ms. Nandato bemusedly. "You sound very sure. How do you know?" Maria gave her an irritated look. "I know because they did it just the other day, while I was working on my sewing project. Gabriel even had them fly in formation through the eye of a needle. I told them that if they were going to fool around like that, they could have at least made themselves useful by threading the damn thing while they were at it." Soon afterwards, Maria received a call to report to the Guidance Counsellor. * * * AFTER TWO MONTHS... Maria came home from school one afternoon to find all the angels standing expectantly, as if they had been waiting for her. "Why are you so late?" said Gabriel impatiently. "We have all been awaiting your arrival to bid our farewell." "Our class had to practice for the Songfest Eliminations tomorrow," Maria replied. Then her brain caught up with her ears. "Farewell...?" "The disturbance in the astral plane has abated, and we are free to return to the Silver City," Gabriel explained. "We wished to express gratitude for your accomodating us all this time. We realize it cannot have been easy for you..." "But you have been a most gracious host," Abdiel proclaimed. Maria was speechless. Then, Tarasquel came up to her and, without a word, handed her his Blazing Sword. He looked almost sheepish. "It's not that I'm giving it to you, you understand. It's required equipment for Armageddon. But seeing as I don't really need it 'till then, I thought you might like to hold it for me." "Thanks," smiled Maria. "It'll come in handy during the next brownout." After all fourty-four angels had said their goodbyes, a glowing portal opened in the ceiling. The entire room was bathed in a celestial radiance. Flying in perfect tandem, the angels ascended into the light. When the last of them was gone, the portal closed, and Maria was alone. * * * * Miraculous sighting in local high school December 11, 1996--- The teachers and faculty of Marian College High School were shocked by the unexpected appearance of a host of angels during the elimination round of their annual Songfest contest. The vision was said to have occured during a third year section's performance of "Gloria in Excelsis". "They appeared during the second verse and joined in the singing," says their music teacher Ms. Katana. "They blended beautifully." Needless to say, their section placed First in the senior division of the Songfest. One of the members of the winning section, a Maria M. Delbarrio, was not at all fazed by the occurence. "What's so surprising about it?" says Delbarrio. "I always knew our class had divine inspiration." Church officials have yet to confirm the miraculousness of the event. -------- Author's ramblings: This story was written for my Creative Writing class last year. I made a few adjustments here and there, but otherwise it's exactly the same. As you may have guessed, there were a number of in-jokes: Mr. De Tigre was based on our third year Chemistry teacher, Mr. De Leon; Marian College High School was based on Miriam College High School, where I go (the Songfest is an actual contest that we have every year which our class never wins); and Maria's name is taken from Maria La Del Barrio, the title of a certain Mexican soap opera that was popular in the Philippines a while back. The middle "M" stands for Marimar, which was another even more popular soap starring the same actress. Hmm, let's see... it's not often that I set out to write a short story... I wrote this one because I suddenly felt like writing about angels. It bugged me at first that the premise was so cliche (perfectly normal teenager whose life gets turned upside down by the arrival of otherworldly beings, who hang about the house won't leave? Nope, never seen that before, except perhaps in Tenchi Muyo, Urusei Yatsura, Oh My Goddess...) But I think I managed to give it my own personal flair. If you noticed a touch of Terry Pratcett or Neil Gaiman influence... get real! I could never even hope to approach the genius that is Sir Gaiman. Later, Andrea andrael@skyinet.net